Well, it seems I have finally met my match and failed my first challenge.
Going into this, I was as prepped as I had ever been, doing max outs in the week before. Fairly confident I did not expect to face the behemoth before me:
120oz beef patty (yes, just the patty is 3.5kg)
Vegetables (Salad, tomatoes, onions)
You have 40 minutes to complete. If you win, you get the meal free, £250, a T-shirt, and eternal glory. If you lose, you pay £75.
I started as usual with the patty to get the protein over with whilst it was hot. I ate from the middle and saved the crusty outsides of the patty for later as they had already cooled. It was alright progress. The meat was both juicy yet somewhat dry at the same time, if that makes sense. I could see the juice coming out, but still had to swig water to get it down fast. Still, with a patty that big, it would be expected. Even using vegetables to speed the process it wasn’t an ideal pace. In my mind I thought if I could clear the patty in 20 minutes, I would be fine. It was going well for the first 14 or so, but the sheer quantity and flavour fatigue begun to sink in at that point. By 20 minutes I had cleared most of the patty, with only the outsides left. The heaviness of the patty though was taking its toll. I was chewing more and more, my body growing ever more reluctant to get it down.
I decided to leave the outsides for later and have a go at the bun. Looking at the burger at the start I thought it would be a tough one, but actually beginning the bun made me realise that this was a doomed effort. It was dense, heavy, and the crust extremely chewy. I found myself having to use water heavily to get it down, using up precious capacity. I kept at it, just for the sake of at least finishing the top bun. At some point I stood up in an attempt to salvage stomach capacity. A few internal burps helped speed things up as I felt the patty settle like a game of Tetris, but that was not enough.
36 mins I just called it quits. The flavour fatigue was too much. The patty was not going down in my gut. I was tired of chewing bread, and I knew any more would just be unnecessary pain on my end. As it stands, this challenge is the toughest in London from what I have seen. The capacity element is difficult enough, but with a 40 minute time limit on a 4.8kg (10.5lb) challenge, it is near impossible in its current form. Maybe with a different bun, since the current one can be a challenge in itself, it would be doable, albeit extremely difficult.
Nonetheless, the guys at Smoky Boys were good fun and encouraged me to keep going, and the people watching and walking past sure got their kicks from the shock factor of that beast. I don’t think I will be re-attempting this in the future in the current form.
The only things I can imagine doing differently is standing from the start, heading in to this with carbonated drinks to help burp up air pockets and help break down the carbohydrates with the acidity, and soaking the buns from the start and using them instead of using up capacity with just liquid on its own. Risky, but at the current state of this challenge, I just can’t think of anything else as the normal: Protein>Veg>Carbs approach is a tough order.
Seriously, if anyone beats this, let me know, ultimate respect to you. If you are feeling heroic though, you can have a crack at it here:
274A St Albans Rd,